hopeless

as much as I wanted to be employed by the end of the year, I failed again. I wanted to be hired so badly I missed a couple of details that were needed to be done in order to pass the certification. I never wanted to be in a position where I can be mocked by people whom I thought I was far more superior. I always wanted to be the best. I was thinking too much of passing and getting hired by them I took for granted the test, rushing my answers. Then I failed. Now I am again in this fucking situation where I don’t know and I have no clue what’s going to happen. I am pressured by the fact that I needed to have a job in order to impress such people. Them, who always looked down on me because of what I’ve become. I’ve been a failure for myself. Overrated stupid kid who always thought of himself as the intelligent one. I’ve been praying too much, hoping that the one above will give me this opportunity. Such waste of time asking for something and doing nothing. Of course, he knew from the start. Oh well, thank you for the blessings.